Why Men Can’t Ejaculate During Sex – Cosmo May 2015

For her May 2, 2015 Cosmo article, “8 Myths About Men You Need to Stop Believing,” writer Chiara Atik interviewed me about Delayed Ejaculation (DE), a male sexual dysfunction that’s flown under the radar screen forever.

DE has long been rumored to be uncommon.  But in my sex therapy practice I frequently see men with this condition.

For more information about how to understand and help men who can’t ejaculate during sex, you’ll want to take a look at two blog articles:

“Advice for Men Who Have Difficulty Ejaculating”

and

“Why Some Men Have Trouble Ejaculating During Intercourse.” 

Atik used our interview (excerpted below) for her discussion of “Myth #7:  It’s always easy for all men to orgasm during sex.” 

Here’s an excerpt from our interview:

 

COSMO: It’s common knowledge that women can have trouble having an orgasm during sex, but it’s pretty assumed that guys have no issue with achieving climax. Is this a false assumption? Can it be hard for a guy to climax, even if he’s got an erection?

Dr S:  Yes, some men find they can’t ejaculate during sex, particularly during penis-vagina intercourse.

Many women find this to be highly insulting. So lots of these men learn to fake orgasms  — which is obviously a lot easier during casual sex, if you’re wearing a condom, than in a committed relationship.

 

What causes “delayed ejaculation” (DE)?

Sometimes it’s just how a man is wired. Like some women, some men just have a high threshold for orgasm, and as a consequence they can’t ejaculate easily.

But men don’t have as many options when it comes to climax.
If you’re a woman who has trouble climaxing from intercourse, you can stimulate your clitoris while he’s inside you.

But a man’s most sensitive spots are usually near the tip of his penis, which during intercourse is deep inside his partner so he can’t reach it with his hand.

Some men with high orgasm thresholds learn highly specific ways of stroking their own penises to get an orgasm, and then find they can’t produce the same effect with a partner. A vagina can’t move as fast or with as much precision as a hand. It’s analogous to the challenge faced by some women who require very fast, very precise clitoral stimulation for climax – except that unlike a woman, a man can’t do that so easily during intercourse.

Some men develop DE while taking “ssri” antidepressants such as Prozac, which have the same orgasm-inhibiting effect in men as in women. And some men (for reasons that are still a bit unclear) develop the problem on erection-stimulating medication such as Viagra.

 

Is it true that men are not naturally monogamous? 

If you mean strict sexual monogamy, then no. Men are not naturally monogamous. But neither are women.

We do seem to have strong natural instincts for pair bonding. But it’s a big leap from pair bonding to strict sexual monogamy.

Monogamy has always had more to do with property rights than with erotic pleasure.

It’s served us pretty well for thousands of years. But it’s not exactly natural.

From wearing shoes to enjoying air conditioning to practicing strict sexual monogamy, there’s not much in our lives that’s “natural” anymore.

 

My more recent blog articles:  “Advice for Men Who Have Difficulty Ejaculating” and “Why Some Men Have Trouble Ejaculating During Intercourse” have a lot more information about delayed ejaculation, and what to do about it.

And since the 2015 Cosmo interview above, I’ve gone on to write what’s certainly one of the first sex books to focus exclusively on sexual emotions.

I believe are for most people that’s the most important part of sex.

Click HERE for more information about the book

Or click HERE to read Chapter 1 for free.

 

Author
stephen snyder md author photo Stephen Snyder, MD

You Might Also Enjoy...

Sexless Marriage, and What To Do If It Happens to You

There’s sexless marriage. And then there’s “nearly sexless marriage” — where a couple might only have sex a few times a year. Or as one patient of mine, an insurance executive, described it — “on a quarterly basis.”

How Do I Find A Sex Therapist?

Finding a good sex therapist isn’t easy. If you’re suffering from a sexual problem, it’s crucially important that you see someone who understands the difference between a sex therapist and a “regular therapist.”

10 Sex Questions from Cosmopolitan

As a sex therapist, someone who answers sex questions for a living, it’s always a pleasure to get asked questions by Cosmo. Here are some recent ones, along with the answers: