10 Sex Questions from Cosmo
As a sex therapist, someone who answers sex questions for a living, it’s always a pleasure to get asked questions by Cosmo. Here are some recent ones, along with the answers:
Question #1: What is “coital alignment technique”?
A: Coital alignment” is a set of techniques designed to make intercourse more stimulating for a woman. They tend to involve having him be on top, with his penis deep inside you — so your clitoris is nestled in that little angle between the base of his penis and the rest of his body.
That little angle – roughly the location of his pubic bone — is the same place women tend to grind down on when they’re on top.
Now if he thrusts high up inside you, he’s stroking your clitoris much more directly with his body. Or you can grind up against him, putting your clitoris exactly where you want it.
You can also get G-spot action by having him lift as if he’s trying to lift you up off the bed using only the base of his penis.
Experiment with small changes in the angle of your pelvis as you go through these moves together. Geometry was never so much fun!
Question #2: In regards to feminist porn, is there more footage of women being pleased too, as opposed to just the man?
A: Porn has always featured men showing off their ability to please a woman. These days it’s more realistic – More women are touching themselves during intercourse.
What’s also new now is that there’s more demonstration of affection. You even see some kissing in porn these days!
Question #3: Is it safe to go down on a guy after he’s been inside of you?
A: If you and he have decided it’s safe enough to go down on each other (weighing risks of HPV, etc), then logically it would seem safe enough for you to go down on him after he’s been inside you.
But as I said before, don’t do it if you don’t feel comfortable with the idea. Never let anyone talk you into doing anything you don’t feel comfortable with!
Question #4: How can I make my guy last longer in bed?
A: For younger guys: Have him ejaculate quickly, then wait 10 minutes and have sex again. Chances are he’ll have more endurance the second time.
For older guys: There are a variety of techniques. Have him stay motionless inside you (“zen and the art of intercourse”), at least for a minute or two before you start to move together. Then go back to motionless intercourse each time he feels he’s about to go over the top.
There are also breathing techniques, and techniques where he adjusts the tension in his anus. But if he has a strong tendency to climax quickly (say less than a minute of intercourse), don’t expect magic from any of these techniques.
Question #5: What if my guy can't ejaculate during intercourse?
A: Most of the techniques involve having him get as excited as possible before he goes inside you. Then once he’s inside you, have him really go for it instead of being such a gentleman.
Question #6: After sex I find myself really tired. Like, conked out, don’t wake me for twelve hours kind of tired. Is that normal?
A: Just about anything can be normal. But serious fatigue can be a sign of something medical. So if it’s a change from how you used to be, then probably best to see your doctor.
Question #7: I’m on a quest to have a “double orgasm”—combination clitoral orgasm and vaginal orgasm. What’s the best way to achieve it?
A: I’d suggest you be cautious about going on sexual “quests.” Goal-setting can work against good sex. But many sex positions can allow you or your partner to stroke your clitoris to orgasm while he’s inside you.
Many woman find enjoy so-called “coital alignment technique” (Google it), where you’re grinding against his pelvis with your clitoris during intercourse. And if all else fails, there’s always those “rabbit” vibrators.
Question #8: My guy likes me to go down on him after he’s already been inside me and it grosses me out. Is it safe? Should I just get over it?”
A: Yes, it’s safe. If it weren’t, there’d be serious warnings about the health hazards of cunnilingus. But seriously, why do it if it grosses you out?
Is it because he’s not able to ejaculate easily during intercourse? If so, maybe the two of you would be better off with a good lubricant and some hand stimulation for him at the end.
Tell him you don’t mind if he uses his own hand, and that you’ll just enjoy watching. There are also ways for such guys to learn to ejaculate during intercourse. But they’re not much publicized.
Question #10: The guy I’m hooking up with has a piercing -- down there. We haven’t had sex yet. What am I supposed to do with that? And what will it feel like?
A: Why ask me? You have an expert right there with you. Ask him to tell you all about it! As for what it will feel like, just make sure you feel comfortable about everything you’re thinking of doing with him . . . or it.
Not all these questions and answers made it into print in Cosmo. But it was an interesting discussion anyway.