Can You Trust LinkedUp!, The New Dating App for Business?

Can You Trust LinkedUp!, The New Dating App for Business?

Online Dating Lacks Community, Which Creates Trust As a sex therapist I spend a lot of time counseling single New Yorkers about how to find good partners. That’s gotten a lot easier since online dating has radically increased the number of people to choose from. But online dating has its disadvantages. It’s great if you’re just looking for a hookup or casual fling. You know no one in common, so you don’t have to worry about hurting your reputation if things don’t work out. You go your separate ways afterwards, and there’s no collateral damage to either of your social networks. It’s also great if like many people in sex therapy you’re worried about your sexual performance.  If the sex is a disappointment, no one else will find out. But if you’re looking for a more serious relationship, the disconnect between your social networks becomes a disadvantage.  Since you know no one in common, you lack a context for your relationship. There’s no social “glue” to hold you together. Relationships are the fruit of community. Community is the tree that grows the fruit. Online dating delivers the fruit without the tree. Trust is a hard thing in any relationship.  But it’s harder to trust someone if you don’t really know or understand the world they come from.  The subtle signals that people in the same community give each other are often lost or misperceived by a stranger. What would really be valuable is an online dating platform that taps into a community of people you know and trust. The new app, LinkedUp! does just that by using your professional business network on...
Dr Snyder gets media training from Oprah on CBS This Morning

Dr Snyder gets media training from Oprah on CBS This Morning

When the call came from CBS This Morning  to come discuss two new anthropological papers on the origins of monogamy, my first concern naturally was to make sure I didn’t say anything embarrassing on national TV. So I decided to make detailed notes as a precautionary measure.   But I learned that on TV this isn’t such a good idea — especially if you’re so busy re-reading your notes for the 401st time that you don’t even look up when they announce your name.   Hey, who knew? I also learned you have to talk a little faster on TV.   OK, a lot faster.    As a doctor, you learn to weigh your words carefully, and you want to make sure everything you say is understood.   But TV is more like being at home with the family — you can start talking, but unless you keep it lively you may not get to finish!                       Turns out that Oprah, who’d been on the show that morning to discuss her new movie The Butler, had been intrigued by my topic  (Hey, who wouldn’t be!) and had asked to stay longer to hear about human monogamy.   So as an unexpected bonus I got media training from Oprah herself . . . I’d been on the show for about three minutes (it had felt like about 2 seconds) and was just starting to feel comfortable in front of 3 million people when I was told we were out of time.   Sheesh — I’d hardly gotten warmed up!   Oprah turned...
On male bisexuality — the Elle interview

On male bisexuality — the Elle interview

“I will dance with anybody. I’ve chased men and women. I like men and women both.”  —Boxer Emile Griffith, quoted in Sports Illustrated, 2005.   I’m not usually one to linger on obituaries, but this one held my attention all the way to the end:  The New York Times’ July 24, 2013 obituary of the 1960’s prizefighter Emile Griffith, during whose distinguished boxing career rumors apparently circulated that he was gay. Now at the time of his death a half century later, he is most remembered for having killed one of his opponents in the ring — a fellow boxer who had teased him about his sexuality. At the weigh-in before their 1962 match, his opponent Bennie “Kid” Paret had used a derogatory Spanish term to accuse Griffith of being homosexual.  In the 12th round, Griffith got even.  With his right fist pounding Paret’s head “like a baseball bat demolishing a pumpkin” according to ringside witness Norman Mailer, Griffith knocked his accuser unconscious.  Paret died 10 days later in the hospital from intracranial bleeding. Griffith maintained that he was bisexual — equally attracted to both men and women. But male bisexuality is a difficult label to make stick.  Even now when it’s reasonably safe in at least some parts of the developed world to be openly gay, and when female bisexuality is well recognized, there remains a great deal of skepticism about whether male bisexuality exists.   Many writers on the subject have wondered whether most self-identified male bisexuals are simply homosexual men trying to “have it both ways” — having sex with men while holding on to heterosexual privilege....
French women say, “Enough with modernism!  Give us long baths with expensive body wash!”

French women say, “Enough with modernism! Give us long baths with expensive body wash!”

The New York Times reports today that Cinquante Nuances de Grey (that’s French for you-know-what) is now selling briskly in France — despite a hearty and unanimous condemnation by the French literary elite. According to the article “A Defiant Oui for ‘Fifty Shades” by Times columnist Elaine Sciolino, French critical opinion on the book has pointed out that its BDSM is not philosophical enough.  And that its characters are too obsessed with hygiene (translation:  too many scenes involving long baths). I was most struck by a quotation from the French publisher Franck Spengler — about whom the article states,  “eroticism is for him a ‘space of freedom and rebellion, liberated from moral criteria.’ ”   Sciolino notes that Spengler dislikes the book’s ” ‘American-style Puritanism’ in which sex acts can only be justified by love.” The justification of sex by love, though scorned by the French critical establishment, is apparently just the thing French women want these days. Who can blame them?   According to the New York Times article, in the traditional French erotic novel, “most of the time it’s sex without love and women are submissive to men.”   When the book first came out in English, American critics compared it unfavorably to established works of literary BDSM such as Pauline Reage’s Story of  O (in which, for those of you who haven’t read it recently, the heroine is branded with a hot iron, has her labia pierced, and finally becomes a faceless slave)   And the Marquis de Sade’s The 120 Days of Sodom (in which young women are ritualistically murdered and then ground to bits). Apparently Cinquante Nuances was...
The Year in Clinical Sexuality, 2012

The Year in Clinical Sexuality, 2012

  How are they ever going to make this into a movie? This year Fifty Shades of Grey flashed 1,2 and 3 on the New York Times bestseller list all summer long — only to pretty much disappear from the national consciousness with the arrival of Fall.    While it lasted, though, FiftyShades spawned a magazine,  a Katie Roiphe piece in Newsweek, a party game, and a great deal of attention among the commentariat regarding whether or not the book was a good thing for womankind. A fan fiction spin-off of Twilight, FiftyShades generated a host of questions, such as — “Is it an accurate portrayal of BDSM?” “Why do women tend to get excited about the same thing as their friends?” “How could Drew Pinsky have the temerity to discuss it on TV without reading it first?” and “Should men read it, and why?” No question about FiftyShades, though, got nearly as much attention as “Who will be cast as Christian Grey in the movie?” Would it be Ian Somerhalder?   Miley Cyrus’ fiancee Liam Hemsworth?  Or some other young man with a buff bod and a winning smile? In the sex therapy world (especially after the FDA’s rejection of Boehringer-Ingelheim’s desire drug flibanserin)  many hoped the book would be of some benefit for low-desire couples.    Initial reports seemed promising, but the final verdict was expressed best by  HuffPo’s Julie Gerstenblatt, who wrote  — “My friends and I read the books and enjoyed them and experienced a momentary spike in our marital sex lives (‘for like a week,’ as my friend Kate said, rolling her eyes) and then we...